Wank of the Best Glorifies the Quickie and Vilifies the Financial Establishment.
Sex SELLS in Today's Economy
Unfortunately, the expectation of great sex underpins the promise-so b e prepared for disappointment if your unbridled passion doesn’t last all night.
Unless you’re Sting, chances are your bang sesh won’t have the neighbors filing noise complaints at 4 a.m.
But WAIT. At Wank of the Best, we wholeheartedly DISAGREE. We REVERE our heroes of the past-those brave souls who mastered the art of the quickie. Yes, the quickie, we said it.
️🔥 Grip It and Quit It
️🔥 One-Minute Miracle
️🔥 Blast and Bounce
️🔥 Hitch It and Quit It
For Wankers who need to shift their thinking and reclaim the quickie crown. Behold the legend of Boris Becker,a titan of the Giddy-Up and Git. “Yee-haw!”
Go ahead-whip out your gun and prove you’re the Fastest Wank in the West!
The Fastest Transactions in the West. Complete your transaction in 10 seconds or less. No Appointment Needed.
Getting the most out of an encounter by removing the never-ending side quests, parallels the appeal of crypto and decentralized finance: cutting out the middlemen, stripping away bureaucracy, and going straight to the source of value.
A quickie is raw, direct, and effective—just like peer-to-peer transactions that bypass banks, regulations, and the slow grind of the traditional financial system.
FIAT currency, like slow, bureaucratic systems, forces you to jump through hoops, waiting for approval, inflation adjustments, and policy shifts. Crypto, on the other hand, offers an alternative: a fast, unfiltered exchange of value, much like a quickie cuts through the fluff to deliver immediate satisfaction.
Maybe the problem isn’t speed itself, but rather who controls the terms of engagement. If quickies work, why not apply the same principle to our financial freedom? What if we could live in a world where value is exchanged freely, instantly, without waiting for permission?
Has Anything Actually Changed?
The 1980's
Yuppies ‘got to get mine’ mindset still prevails, whilst killing a stranger in the street is fraunded upon these days, metaphorically killing it at the expense of all others is still glorified….
The 1880's
Frontier folk would kill a strager at the drop of a hat to protect ‘what is theirs!’. Living to work, and working to get ‘more’ was the rules to the game. More for whom? ‘Me and mine’ at the expense of all others…..
Old West Photobooth - A Souvenir from Before Color!
Capture the moment in our Wild West Photo Studio, donning petticoats or outlaw leathers in an old-timey bank setting where color is washed out to sepia using low sodium lighting.
However, when you enter, make sure and check to see which psychedelic colors are or aren’t muted. There may be a secret message in your photo results.
Stretch Goal :: Blending in UV light with low sodium lighting is possible; this allows for invisible ink to also be used that will pop under black light. Pink invisible UV would be amazing.
Not appropriately attired to meet with a Wanker? No problem! Pop into the Silk Road trading company next door and enhance your look with the trendiest 1980’s and 1880’s psychedelic fashions.
Cum meet with a Wanker to make a deposit, discuss your position and explore the heady highs and dismal lows of being a CryPTO trader, where the tears of miners underpin the currency's value.
Patrons speak with a wanker to open an account, Items are valued by a junior assessor, cry-PTO is paid for items and held in Escrow until the senior assessor can confirm value some time later. Will it hold its value? Will the escrow account be lost? The bro-wankers might break out into bro-mance challenge at any time, so be prepared! Expect line-dancing, chug-chug challenges of fake moonshine, feuds and bouts of totally-not-gay titty-twisting.
Bank Panic! VR Edition (But Still Shite 8Bit Graphics)
Using an old arcade ROM from the 80’s and a large rear screen projector which will use to transform the back of the bank into a “shooting” gallery.
The controls will be replaced by custom input devices to change the game into a four-player collaboration.
- Player 1 – controls too food pedals to move the screen left and right.
- Player 2 – Has the shooter that fires on the left door.
- Player 3 – Has the shooter that fires on the middle door.
- Player 4 – Has the shooter that fires on the right door.
- Shooters will be phallic object, like creature dildos.
1. Describe the Participant's Journey.
You arrive at the Wank of the Best, a Boomtown bank straight out of 1885. It’s inviting. It’s disorienting. It smells faintly of whiskey-soaked beards, chewing tobaccy, hot piss, regret, man musk, horse farts, sweet sweet dinero, and saddle leather. Step Inside and it’s awash in sepia-toned lighting. It’s just like in the olden days, before color was invented!
Greeters suggest patrons meet with our wankers to make a series of terrible financial decisions.
Then, patrons enter, open an account, and make a deposit. In an ideal setup, we collaborate with other art projects in town who can store and display objects to deposit at Wank of the Best.
💸 The Banking System: You Can Deposit, But Can You Withdraw?
Players (or visitors) can make a deposit in exchange for Outhouse IOUs, Scum Scrip, or False Hope—but the terms shift constantly. That’s just how the cowboy cookie crumbles.🔥 Deposit Options Include:
✅ A jar of ‘Boomtown Beard Grease’ – “Freshly squeezed from the finest outlaws.”
✅ A canteen of ‘backwash whiskey’ – “Aged to perfection… inside someone else’s mouth.”
✅ A spittoon filled to the brim – “Liquid assets, but not the kind you want.”
✅ A hastily scrawled treasure map – “Subject to verification. No refunds if it leads to a squirrel hole.”
✅ A single tumbleweed – “Market value fluctuates based on wind conditions.”
✅ One slightly used wanted poster – “Collateral for a loan we highly advise against.”
🚨 But be warned: Not all deposits are honored. Sometimes, they disappear into the abyss of The “Completely Safe” Holding Area – Spoiler: It’s neither safe nor holding anything for long., never to be seen again. And withdrawals? You might have to duel, dance, or grovel for your own assets.
2. How does your project connect to the moral themes of this event? How does it build out our world?
A society driven by the goal of amassing wealth can never grow until a new meaning of life is adopted. We cannot change the past, but we can learn from it and understand the drivers behind the horrific morality that was acceptable at the time: but have we learnt a damn thing?
By blending 1880’s prospectors bankers with 1980’s yuppie bankers at Wank of the Best, we are examining the progress (or lack thereof) of our ability to function and make ethical decisions when the end goal is to simply hoard tokens of wealth. While we don’t shoot people on the Oregon Trail for the slightest threat to our life, death is drawn out over a lifetime of drudgery with winners and losers. The 1% gathers and guards their material belongings, while the majority struggles to remain housed and fed.
In our current simulation, could the elimination of FIAT currency and a move to CryPTO currency tear down the system and destabilize everything we know as “truth”? How would our lives and relationships change if we were not enslaved to gathering material wealth? We invite participants to play with risk and reward, as CryPTO is gathered and lost throughout the event. Will people spend an inordinate amount of time collecting money at the expense of missing out on other experiences and connections in Boomtown?
3. If your project deals with heavy themes, what is your plan for supporting participants who are having a challenging experience?
We aren’t dealing with the heavier themes involved in the frontier for our project, it is unlikely that folks will be triggered by banking. However, if they are, we are nice humans.